COMMAND PRESENCE
After having the privilege of speaking at the first Life Mastery Leadership with Tony Robbins this year, we opened the floor for questions. I was asked about a particular part of my discussion that focused on the different roles a leader must be able to step into, specifically what I suggest for someone who finds it difficult to direct their team members. How do you step into a command role if you struggle with telling people what to do? This is a valid question and, unfortunately, a common feeling among many who find themselves in a leadership role.
Tony Robbins Life Mastery Leadership
However, a more significant issue is the growing number of persons who believe that having a command presence is not needed at all, or worse, consider it a negative trait amongst leaders. The word that comes to mind when I hear this is childish. It reminds me of how children boldly say, “When I’m a parent, I’m never going to tell my kids what to do.” Oh, if it were only that easy. Unfortunately, we all know too well that this is not the case.
Now, during the discussion panel, I recommended starting to lead with intention in daily scenarios that require clear and direct orders and leaning into decisive action at times when it is necessary. Use the small and mundane to build confidence and put in the reps. Yes, reps. Leadership is a contact sport that requires reps, on and off the field. However, I wish I had had the time and the appropriate setting to take this for the deep dive it requires.
First, let’s look at the obvious and dispel the previous belief. I have had many discussions about needing a command presence as a leader. Someone who can speak from a position of authority that can make timely and effective decisions is imperative for a sound leader. Being decisive in your actions, confident in your posture, and speaking with the appropriate tone for the setting is a skill. As leaders, we often spend much of our time coaching and mentoring, as we should, but there will be times when we should step into a more authoritative role. We should and we must.
Passive Leadership measures the perception that leaders avoid decisions, do not respond to problems, fail to follow up, hesitate to act, and are absent when needed. This is also known as laissez-faire leadership.
This statement comes from a DoD guide referencing a Defense Organizational Climate Survey (DEOCS). Let’s be clear: Passive Leadership is not leadership at all; this is a 0s and 1s game. Leadership is built through a series of standards. Standards are not measurable; they are yes or no. In the first line of the above description, “avoid decisions” is a prime example. A decision was either made or it wasn’t. There is nothing to measure. Now, once a decision has been made, we can evaluate its effectiveness, but there is no leadership in avoiding it, not even passive.
Putting to bed the notion that one can lead without harnessing a command presence or that you can remove the authoritative role required, why do so many of us still struggle? It’s simple. People typically do not like confrontation. We value what others think of us and should care about how others feel as well. That’s okay; it’s what makes us human. When the time to make hard decisions arises, when we must issue directives or give a direct command, that human tendency to care about what will be the response begins to weigh heavily. That weight is why we find it difficult. But I think if we all evaluate the deeper emotions, we’ll find that it’s our own feelings we’re really trying to protect. We want people to like us, and that’s perfectly natural.
We want people, and especially those we lead, to like us. Because of that, we want to be nice. However, being nice is often a selfish behavior and not where we, as leaders, should place ourselves. Being nice can seem like the right thing, but as a leader, you do not have the luxury to avoid confrontation, be a peacekeeper, and tell people what they want to hear. As a leader, you must make decisions that serve the team’s best interest. Those decisions aren’t always well received, and often, what people need to hear is not what they want to hear. This doesn’t mean we are mean or aggressive. That is not leadership. I am simply expressing that as a leader, you cannot always be nice, but we can be kind, and we should strive to be a balance of both.
We should be doing the kind things. And the kind things are often the difficult things. As leaders, we must acknowledge performance at both ends of the spectrum, give clear guidance, and be decisive in our actions and directives. Everyone should know where they stand, how they can improve, and most importantly, what is expected of them. This can be uncomfortable to do as a leader. However, this will demonstrate that your role as a leader and your commitment to the betterment of the team is more important than any feelings toward an awkward exchange. Being kind is not selfish; it is the standard of real leadership. Remember, not wanting to step into or struggling to step into a command role as a leader is most likely a selfish response to a difficult task/decision at hand. Failing to take responsibility and to do the kind thing is failing to lead. There is no such thing as “passive leadership.” You are on, or you are off. You are leading, or you are not.
Leadership, at its core, is the ability to influence. Not the ability to be liked, but rather the ability to take a team and bring them together to realize a collective purpose. To do so, we must step into all forms of leadership, yes, even the challenging and often uncomfortable authoritative role. That role becomes more apparent and more manageable with every rep. Put in the reps! I can’t stress that enough. Leadership is a contact sport, and every rep will show improvement. And remember, as a leader, we can’t always be nice, but we should always strive to be kind. Do the right thing, set the example, have clear standards, hold your team accountable, make decisions based on team values, and always accomplish the mission!
