Proximity is Power
Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future. No matter who you are or what generation you belong to, I'm confident that someone warned you about the crowd you hung out with at some point during your youth. Whether it was a parent, a teacher, maybe a counselor, someone probably told you to be careful of who you surrounded yourself with. In hindsight, I would have listened to those warnings more.
Those warnings often referenced the crowds and people we shouldn't spend time with. Rarely, if ever, was I "warned" about the people I should be hanging out with. Isn't that really what we should have been focusing on? What we let into our lives is far more critical than what we keep out. And why are these types of warnings typically only heeded in our youth? The people we surround ourselves with will always have a degree of influence on us, no matter what stage of life we're in. Two main issues to address here - one, proximity is power, and two, the effectiveness of positive communication.
As we age, it becomes easier to weed out the bad influences in our lives, the ones trying to guide us down the wrong path. What is more difficult is surrounding ourselves with the right influences, but that is precisely where our focus should be. We have the ability to surround ourselves with things and, more importantly, people who can put us on the right path. We can surround ourselves with individuals who emulate the very characteristics we value. We can put the people we strive to be in our circles. Understand that proximity is power.
The arts and athletics have always been the most straightforward and relatable context for understanding the power proximity can have on a person. Imagining a young man who wants to be a major league baseball player, completely immersing himself in the sport and surrounding himself with everything baseball would seem normal. His desire to study great hitters, emulate Hall of Famers, and associate with others who share his passion for the game is not some wild notion. A young woman who desires to sing and write music, who always has a guitar in her hand and would do anything to be around successful musicians, doesn't appear out of place either. On the contrary, that is precisely what we would expect from them. We should expect no less of ourselves.
However, it seems difficult for those same traits to translate to our everyday adult life. Generally, we do quite the opposite. I have found myself more than once entirely surrounded by individuals who either don't share my interests, don't share my values, or have no desire to achieve or obtain the same aspirations I am pursuing. I then have to ask myself, "Why are they in my life?" If they bring no value to mine, and I none to theirs. Then, why? Believe me when I say that your environment is a zero-sum game. Something, or someone, is either adding value or diminishing it.
When you look at the goals you've set for yourself and the things you want to accomplish in life, ask yourself if your circle supports them. I would go beyond goals and aspirations and examine your values and beliefs as well. If you value being a great parent and raising up your children with intention, then seek those same qualities with whom you share you’re time. The same applies to health, business, and the like. It is not selfish to surround yourself with the kind of people promoting the life you want; it is necessary. Then, ask yourself if your environment supports those same aspirations as well.
Priming was one of the first practices I adopted when I ventured down this path of personal development. It's one of the most straightforward approaches to manipulating your environment to promote goals and dreams and to promote change. You can read about it more in my first book, Relentless State of Mind - The Power of Mental Conditioning. In short, priming is the human reaction to being exposed to specific criteria that stimulate a response, typically ones we are unaware of. But, we can predetermine those triggers and, in fact, create it all on our own to stimulate a desired outcome. Feed your mind and your surroundings what you want to achieve - what you want to be.
Everything. Yes, I mean everything should be a positive influence supporting who you are, what you are, and all you want to become. We often need to take notice of the massive impact our daily lives and surroundings play on our mental focus and well-being. What you read, what sits on the kitchen counter, your social feeds, and what you binge on Netflix will all impact your motivation, mood, and psyche. It can be positive and supporting or not - zero-sum. There is a fine line between entertainment and detriment.
The power of proximity and priming all stand to benefit when elements of positive communication can and should be applied. I discuss positive communication in depth in another article you can read here. The basis of understanding is how to illustrate what you should do versus what you shouldn't. Like many adults during my youth who told me who I shouldn't be spending time with, few, if any, advised me on who I should be surrounding myself with. It is in our nature to resort to the Don't do this, Don't do that approach. However, the Do this method is far more beneficial. You are promoting action over protection, going on the offense instead of playing defense. It is simply a mental switch, but one well worth flipping.
So, embracing the positive approach, I encourage you to find a mentor. Seek circles of friends who share your values and lifestyle. Embrace the family members who light you up and encourage your aspirations. Strive to meet and befriend individuals who personify the moral character, successes, and qualities you wish to emulate. Build your environment and surround yourself with the same. Visual items, reading material, social feeds, and daily practices should all be positive influences that inspire. Remember, whatever occurs in your mind will typically begin to appear in your life. Control the controllables.
